Free-falling grief in the holidays? Embrace the warmth that heals

Grief piles up for many in the holidays.

Recently, our senior pastor at Highland Park Presbyterian Church, Bryan Dunagan, died at age 44. HIs wife, Ali, and three children grieve a sudden loss as the holidays begin.

Just a few weeks later, another rising star, Jack Gibbons, age 36, co-founder of Bandera Ventures, died in a neighborhood auto accident leaving behind his wife, Sarah, and their two-year-old daughter.

Sudden tragedies are like free falling.

Free-falling sorrow
Free-falling grief/Oliver Furrer/Getty images

How do family members survive?

And, why does God allow tragedy . . .

  • to mold holidays into brutal loss?
  • to touch future holidays with sadness?

That’s why we need more Christmas, not less.

Christmas came not to drown our sorrows; but, to bear them. And then, transform them.

The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of deep darkness a light has dawned.” (Isa 9:2)

Where is this light in darkness?  How can families like the Dunagans and Gibbons find strength?

1. Light for your grief

They need power just like all of us. God is profoundly powerful in darkness.

“Praise be to the name of God for ever and ever; wisdom and power are his. He changes times and seasons; he deposes kings and raises up others. He gives wisdom to the wise and knowledge to the discerning. He reveals deep and hidden things; he knows what lies in darkness, and light dwells with him.” (Dan 2:20-22)

He knows what lies in darkness.

  • Death of a child?  Yes.  He knows.
  • Horrific loss of a spouse?  Yes.  He knows.

He knows depth.  He knows chasm. “He knows what lies in darkness.”

So, he meets us there. He stays with us.

He is Lord over the abyss of unknowns and He invites us to bring our despair and cleave to Him.

“On my bed I remember you; I think of you through the watches of the night. Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings. I cling to you; your right hand upholds me.” Psalm 63:6-8

2. Company for your grief

There’s no better company to comfort your grief than Jesus.

Terror and tragedy stalked his family from the beginning.

Days after he was born, Jesus . . .

  • was targeted for murder by Herod
  • escaped to Egypt as a refugee

Where is God in death and suffering?

Right here with you and I.

How do we survive this?

We need great power. Power that brings us through darkness.

3. Power in your grief

Where do we find this power? How do we tap into it?

Imagine with me for a minute that we are with the magi back at their home. They have just returned from their amazing journey and are visiting their friends at the Caspian Country Club.

They go to the “19th Hole” and are catching up with their buddies.

Their friends ask where they’d been and what they’d done.

“We had a fantastic time!  It was just unbelievable!”

“Tell us about it!  You went to see a King!  Tell us about his palace!”

They looked at each other with that smile that goes on between people who’ve shared an experience that’s hard to put into words, “Well, to tell you the truth, it’s kind of hard to describe it, uh…”

“Well, was it a big house, what was it?”

“No…to tell you the truth…it was uh…well we gotta be honest with you, it was a stable.”

“A stable?  You mean the king was out there looking at his horses.”

“Oh no, he lived there.”

“A king in a stable?  Well he must have been impressive some other way to legitimize this kingship. Tell us about his mind, his accomplishments, his possessions!”

“It’s a little difficult to describe…but, he was a baby.”

“A baby?  He must have remarkable parents!”

“Oh, there’s a problem there too.  Uh, we’re not sure about that.”

“You mean to tell us…I mean, we’re your friends.  We’ve known you guys forever!  You traveled thousands of miles, two years to get there and back and you gave gold and frankincense and myrrh to a baby in a stable?  You’re crazy!”

And they looked at each other and said, “Well, you just had to be there.  It didn’t bother us that it was a stable or a baby.  There was…

  • light
  • warmth
  • and power like we’d never experienced before.

4. The battery to make it all work

Invite God into your trauma this season.

Bring your despair to God and ask for his power to carry you.

Sunrise over grief Bethlehem
Sunrise over Bethlehem

Please share privately any way I can pray for you this season at steve@steveblaising.com.

Free-falling grief in the holidays? Embrace the warmth that heals

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