Three things to ponder when a good friend suddenly dies

When a spouse or good friend suddenly dies, there’s shock, disbelief and loss.

That happened to me a few weeks ago when I received an unexpected text at a Saturday lunch.

good friend suddenly dies
Good friend John Palter, 62, suddenly dies during bike ride

My good friend John Palter, age 62, had just died during a morning bike ride in Dallas.

His sudden departure leaves me in a reflective state about priorities, purpose and commitment.

Ponder the most important rule of life

Every memory I have of John is family first.

He modeled love and grace the way he held up his family and friends.

I’m measuring myself right now with John.

Do I prioritize time for the most important relationships on earth?

John loved . . .

  • God
  • family
  • friends
  • community

. . . and he served his law clients with excellence.

Losing a friend like John has frozen my attention on the rule of love.

  • Love is not the path to ideal. It is the ideal.
  • Love is the rule for all our choices.
  • If love is not right, then everything else goes wrong.

Ponder your purpose

The love rule got me thinking about how critical it is to define one’s purpose.

Like an artist who does a pencil sketch before oils, we should sketch a likeness of the person we want to be. Then, we spend the rest of our lives painting.

John was a fine example of how to do this.

  • Be first a kind, honest and selfless father, husband and friend.
  • Dedicate professional pursuits to improve the lives of clients.
  • Don’t just believe in God. Believe God.

Once the likeness is clear, then the next but hardest quality of all is the discipline to make it happen.

Ponder your commitment

Recently, I watched the movie, Selma.

I listened to King’s speech calling for the highest level of commitment to reverse injustice.

Where did he find such commitment?

The world didn’t deliver his life purpose neatly wrapped in a package.

He managed his pain and suffering to chisel out his purpose into a movement for change.

John approached his law practice the same way.

He studied and strategized how the law could repair injustices suffered by clients.

Perhaps commitment is juiced by suffering.

Harvard professor, entrepreneur, and author Clayton Christensen topped his 1997 best-selling The Innovator’s Dilemma when he wrote, How Will You Measure Your Life, after contracting cancer.

In spite of reaching superstar status as a management guru, he concluded in his last book . . .

” . . . the only metrics that will truly matter to my life are the individuals whom I have been able to help, one by one, to become better people. When I have my interview with God, our conversation will focus on the individuals whose self-esteem I was able to strengthen, whose faith I was able to reinforce, and whose discomfort I was able to assuage. These are the metrics that matter in measuring my life.” Clayton M. Christensen, How Will You Measure Your Life, p. 204

How will you measure yours?

Three things to ponder when a good friend suddenly dies

12 thoughts on “Three things to ponder when a good friend suddenly dies

  1. Kathy Palter says:

    Steve. This is beautiful. I have been working on a real obituary for John as we approach the one-year anniversary of his death, and found your blog post, which I hadn’t seen until now. Thank you for this reflection and loving tribute. Much love to you and Judy and the family . . . Kathy

  2. Steve Herod says:

    Thank you for posting this. I, as well, had no idea of his passing. I remember him so well though it has probably been 10 years since I saw him last. Keep us posted of the funeral details.

  3. Richard Dobrey says:

    Wow, my heart sank when I heard John passed from this life to the next. My heart goes out to his family. John is a great man. Steve, your blog captured truths in a way John would appreciate. Thanks for sharing.

  4. My heart goes out to you, Steve, and to the family of John. Thank you so much for this wonderful reminder, as Solomon wrote: “The day of death better than the day of birth. It is better to go to a house of mourning than to go to a house of feasting, for death is the destiny of every man; the living should take this to heart.” (Ecc. 7:2)

  5. Brad Whitlock says:

    That is a beautiful tribute to our friend, and may very well be the best blog you have ever written. And that’s saying something.

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