Roll by regrets in two simple words

An old psychiatrist once counseled a famous writer how to roll by regrets.

Arthur Gordon, who’s career included editor of such publications as . . .

• Esquire
• Cosmopolitan
• Reader’s Digest

said that two words are pivotal for overcoming regrets.

Hiding in regrets

Before his career took off, Gordon hit a wall of failures.

On one night, he hid in a tiny French restaurant in Manhattan after a career threatening setback.

In walks an old psychiatrist friend.

About 80, in the twilight of his career, his old friend sits down at the table.

After a bottle of ale arrives, he asks, “what’s troubling you?”

Gordon spills the beans about recent mistakes and soul-numbing losses.

The old man finished his drink and said, “let’s go back to my office.”

Stuck in regrets

Once there, the old shrink opens a tape recorder and inserts a tape of three people (identity hidden) discussing regrets.

They were stuck. Stuck in past choices.

The old man challenges Gordon to listen why.

“What the owners of the voices on the tape had in common, it seemed to me, was unhappiness. The man who spoke first, evidently had suffered some kind of business loss or failure; he berated himself for not having worked harder, for not having looked ahead. The woman who spoke next had never married because of a sense of obligation to her widowed mother; she recalled bitterly all the material chances she had let go by. The third voice belonged to a mother whose teen-age son was in trouble with the police; she blamed herself endlessly.” Arthur Gordon, A Touch of Wonder

Turning off the recorder, the old friend asks if heard the two words.

The two words trapping folks in a lifetime of regret.

“If only”

All three repeated “if only” over and over, locking them in misery.

If only . . .

• I had
• I chose
• I moved
• I waited

If only.

How debilitating.

Then, the old man looks at Gordon and says . . .

“The trouble with if only is that it doesn’t change anything. It keeps the person facing the wrong way, backward instead of forward. It wastes time. In the end, if you let it become a habit, it can become a real roadblock and an excuse for not trying anymore.” Arthur Gordon, A Touch of Wonder

Mistakes? So what?

Everyone makes mistakes.

Lounging in them anchors the soul in misery.

The eighty year-old shrink mused over how many times he heard “if only.”

Eyes sparkling like miniature crystal goblets, the counselor advised relief.

“Next Time”

Replace if only with next time.

Everybody . . .

• veers
• misses
• crashes

If only keeps us there.

Next time moves us ahead.

How do you banish regrets?