Does loneliness bother you in winter? Or is it any time of the year?
In a poll of 20,000 Americans last year, nearly half said they lack companionship.
Famous people are lonely too.
Ad Astra, Brad Pitt’s space movie, captures the loneliness creeping over folks today.
Here’s the relief he sought.
Loneliness solution #1: Think connection over isolation
Ad Astra started production almost a year after Pitt’s wife, Angelina Jolie, filed for divorce.
All of that emotional pain seems to aid Pitt’s portrayal of Roy McBride.
His mission is to launch into space and find his father played by Tommy Lee Jones.
Director James Gray and Pitt. . .
“. . . talked early on about this premise of the inability to connect, which was the springboard for the piece (movie). What is connection?” GQ Magazine, 9/19
Connection begins with family.
That’s why loneliness afflicts so many in middle age because folks are aware of . . .
- what’s missing between spouses
- what’s missing between parents and children
When asked if he is optimistic about genuine connection, Pitt mused…
“Oh, man, I’ve gone through everything. Like, I cling to religion. I grew up with Christianity. Always questioned it, but it worked at times. And then when I got on my own, I completely left it and I called myself agnostic. And then I found myself coming back around to just belief in—I hate to use the word spirituality, but just a belief in that we’re all connected.” Brad Pitt, GQ Magazine, Sept 2019
But, if we’re all connected, why is there conflict?
Loneliness solution #2: Think forgiveness over friction
Everyone is born with a big void that can only be filled by love.
Everyone wants to be loved. Everyone wants to belong.
But love is the opposite of repression. Love is expression.
In the movie (Ad Astra), Pitt’s character is isolated and suppressed.
“One of the things I found is you could make a film about someone that outwardly you think has it all together but in fact is really battling inner demons.” James Gray, Director, Ad Astra
Breakfasts are a great venue for regular connection.
Coffee and breakfast outside is especially joyous. On a beach, even better.
One of my favorite scenes in the Bible is recorded by John after Jesus’ resurrection.
“Early in the morning, Jesus stood on the shore. . .“Friends, haven’t you any fish?” “No,” they answered. He said, “Throw your net on the right side of the boat and you will find some.” When they did, they were unable to haul the net in because of the large number of fish. Then the disciple whom Jesus loved said to Peter, “It is the Lord!” As soon as Simon Peter heard him say, “It is the Lord,” he wrapped his outer garment around him (for he had taken it off) and jumped into the water. The other disciples followed in the boat…when they landed, they saw a fire of burning coals there with fish on it, and some bread. Jesus said to them, “Come and have breakfast.” John 21 selected verses
These seven men deserted Jesus in his greatest crisis.
But, he forgives them and waits on them at a beach cooking their breakfast.
Who loves you? The One who. . .
- waits on you
- accepts you
- invites you
to breakfast like a close friend.
I wonder what Brad Pitt would say if he knew Christianity wasn’t a religion.
It’s a wonder of love. A wonder for connection.
Loneliness solution #3: Waste no time on “wins” and “losses”
As time passes, we regret keeping score.
“It’s just getting. . .older man! How you become more aware of time, and you’ve had more experience, good and bad, with people. And your own wins and losses—the older you get, they don’t seem like so much of a win or so much of a loss.” Brad Pitt, GQ Magazine, September 2019
My father wasted no time on losses. He shook em off.
“Let’s go on,” he’d say.
He was a futurist.
When he was hammered by mother’s bipolar fits, his response was. . .
- helpful not hurtful
- positive not negative
- love not hate
When Gray and Pitt developed Ad Astra, they talked a lot about fatherhood.
“You know, my dad always talked about—it was very important to him that he build a better path for us than we built for him. And he did it. So where we do we go from here as men today?” Brad Pitt, GQ Magazine, September 2019
What did your father pass on? What should we pass on?
Steve, great question- Dad passed on respect and integrity as well as faith in the goodness of people and an optimistic outcome for us all, “Hell” he said,”I’m a Presbyterian!”
My next post is on a two term Presbyterian U.S. President who relied on a six word formula for great strength and encouragement. He framed it and hung it across from his bed so he could see it every morning when he woke up! It worked because he survived cancer and a scary national financial crisis!