{"id":16560,"date":"2025-03-23T17:02:03","date_gmt":"2025-03-23T22:02:03","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blog.steveblaising.com\/content\/?p=16560"},"modified":"2026-03-21T16:28:37","modified_gmt":"2026-03-21T21:28:37","slug":"child-sex-abuse-how-shame-crashed-trey-carlock-into-my-dock","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blog.steveblaising.com\/content\/child-sex-abuse-how-shame-crashed-trey-carlock-into-my-dock\/","title":{"rendered":"Child sex abuse: How shame crashed Trey Carlock into my dock"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>I still can&#8217;t believe that Trey Carlock, a child sex abuse victim filled with shame, drove his father&#8217;s boat at high speed in the middle of the night, crashing into my Lake Athens boat dock.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Shortly before, my oldest daughter, Lizzy, and I lounged right at the point of impact.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-left\">I have often reflected on that night, August 11, 2015.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-left\">My father always said, &#8220;Son, nothing good happens after midnight.&#8221;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>In my sleep, I heard what I thought was an explosion.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>But the idea was so far-fetched that I ignored the sound as a bad dream.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Nothing prepared me for what I saw the following day.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-gallery has-nested-images columns-default is-cropped wp-block-gallery-1 is-layout-flex wp-block-gallery-is-layout-flex\">\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"1024\" height=\"768\" data-id=\"16657\" src=\"https:\/\/blog.steveblaising.com\/content\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/03\/Trey-Carlock-dock-wreck-1024x768.jpg\" alt=\"Trey Carlock shame\" class=\"wp-image-16657\" srcset=\"https:\/\/blog.steveblaising.com\/content\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/03\/Trey-Carlock-dock-wreck-1024x768.jpg 1024w, https:\/\/blog.steveblaising.com\/content\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/03\/Trey-Carlock-dock-wreck-300x225.jpg 300w, https:\/\/blog.steveblaising.com\/content\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/03\/Trey-Carlock-dock-wreck-768x576.jpg 768w, https:\/\/blog.steveblaising.com\/content\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/03\/Trey-Carlock-dock-wreck.jpg 1200w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px\" \/><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"1024\" height=\"768\" data-id=\"16659\" src=\"https:\/\/blog.steveblaising.com\/content\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/03\/Trey-Carlock-dock-crash-3-1024x768.jpg\" alt=\"Trey Carlock shame wreck\" class=\"wp-image-16659\" srcset=\"https:\/\/blog.steveblaising.com\/content\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/03\/Trey-Carlock-dock-crash-3-1024x768.jpg 1024w, https:\/\/blog.steveblaising.com\/content\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/03\/Trey-Carlock-dock-crash-3-300x225.jpg 300w, https:\/\/blog.steveblaising.com\/content\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/03\/Trey-Carlock-dock-crash-3-768x576.jpg 768w, https:\/\/blog.steveblaising.com\/content\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/03\/Trey-Carlock-dock-crash-3.jpg 1200w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px\" \/><\/figure>\n<\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>A young college grad, Trey Carlock, and his girlfriend drove his father&#8217;s boat into my dock.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The heavy rubber trex decking was blown right off the dock frame. Boat shards everywhere.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The lounging chairs Lizzy and I sat on minutes before were blown to the back of the dock.<\/p>\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-image size-large wp-image-4655\">\n<figure class=\"aligncenter\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"1024\" height=\"765\" src=\"http:\/\/blog.steveblaising.com\/content\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/08\/Blaising-dock-part-2-August-1024x765.jpg\" alt=\"Trey Carlock shame wreck\" class=\"wp-image-4655\" srcset=\"https:\/\/blog.steveblaising.com\/content\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/08\/Blaising-dock-part-2-August-1024x765.jpg 1024w, https:\/\/blog.steveblaising.com\/content\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/08\/Blaising-dock-part-2-August-300x224.jpg 300w, https:\/\/blog.steveblaising.com\/content\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/08\/Blaising-dock-part-2-August-768x574.jpg 768w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px\" \/><figcaption class=\"wp-element-caption\">Chaise loungers thrown from the point of impact\/Steve Blaising<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n<p>Bodies? Didn&#8217;t see any. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<!--more-->\n\n\n\n<p>The video below suggests he was headed straight into the back of my new Bennington pontoon boat and turned at the last second, striking the corner post of my dock.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-embed is-type-video is-provider-youtube wp-block-embed-youtube wp-embed-aspect-16-9 wp-has-aspect-ratio\"><div class=\"wp-block-embed__wrapper\">\n<iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"Trey Carlock dock wreck August 2015\" width=\"557\" height=\"990\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/SD6J_iUCcmw?feature=oembed\" frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share\" referrerpolicy=\"strict-origin-when-cross-origin\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe>\n<\/div><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>My dock is not a destination point at Lake Athens, so boat traffic has no reason to visit it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I called the Lake Patrol. They jumped into the water as soon as they arrived, searching for bodies. The driver had strangely disappeared along with the boat.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>And then the sheriff&#8217;s phone rings. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Somebody is calling to report a blown-out ski boat washed up on the shore across the lake.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&#8220;What?&#8221; he winced.&nbsp; &#8220;We&#8217;re on the way.&#8221;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>With that, he took off with his deputy and said, &#8220;We&#8217;ll call you later, Mr. Blaising.&#8221;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-align-center\" id=\"h-when-shame-pilots-your-boat\"><strong>When shame <\/strong>pilots your boat<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Hours later, the sheriff called, &#8220;We found them at his parent&#8217;s lake house. What do you want me to do?&#8221; &#8220;I&#8217;m on the way,&#8221; I said, running out the door and driving to the sheriff&#8217;s office.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I walked in, and there was Trey Carlock with a long bloody gash across his forehead, sitting next to his girlfriend.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>He was contrite and apologetic. When I asked how he could drive his father&#8217;s high-speed boat into my dock, he didn&#8217;t respond.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I learned he studied at Harvard and MIT and was a Fellow of the Trinity Forum Academy in Osprey Point, Maryland. Only the brightest and most promising students are accepted each year for a nine-month program to study \u201cLife&#8217;s greatest questions in the context of faith.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Why did such a promising young man drive his dad\u2019s ski boat at high speed into a completely out-of-the-way location on a lake he knew better than any school subject?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The short answer is shame.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-align-center\" id=\"h-lunch-with-trey-carlock-at-the-park-city-club\">Lunch with Trey Carlock at the Park City Club<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>So, weeks later, I called Trey and invited him to lunch.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>He accepted, and we dined for almost two hours at the Park City Club, which has a beautiful view of the Dallas skyline. It&#8217;s a great space to step away from life&#8217;s insanity, relax, and talk. I wanted to know what was happening in his life. Why the gloom with such a promising future?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>He shared a little about his sexual abuse as a kid at the summer camp, Kanakuk.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Trey was horribly sexually abused by a Kanukuk camp counselor, Pete Newman, who is now incarcerated at the Jefferson City Correctional Center.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>He said he didn\u2019t know if there was a God with all this shame.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I looked at Trey, and I said, \u201cOne of the founders of Christianity was in so much pain that he despaired of life.&nbsp; But he found a path to survive and even thrive.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>So, I shared the following words written by the Apostle Paul.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\">\n<p><strong>\u201cWe were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life.&nbsp; Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death.&nbsp; But, this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead.&nbsp; He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and He will deliver us.&nbsp; On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us, as you help us by your prayers.&#8221;&nbsp;<\/strong> &nbsp;2 Corinthians 1: 8-10<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<p>Right after I quoted, \u201cIndeed, in our hearts, we felt the sentence of death,\u201d Trey looked at me and said, \u201cI <a href=\"https:\/\/blog.steveblaising.com\/content\/how-the-miss-usa-tragedy-shines-light-on-hope\/\">feel that way all the time<\/a>.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>We sat there in silence.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>After lunch, we stood up and hugged.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-align-center\" id=\"h-a-sad-ending-to-a-promising-life\">A sad ending to a promising life<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>I texted him over the following months, trying to stay in touch.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>But I never heard from him again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Four years after that lunch, I sat on my dock reading the <span style=\"box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;\"><em>Dallas Morning News digital edition<\/em><\/span><em> <\/em>(8\/11\/19) and saw his obituary.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I cried and pondered the pain and loss of such a promising life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Now, I know more since his sister Elizabeth shared her perspective about Trey&#8217;s sexual abuse in <em>D Magazine<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Her story is headlined on the March 2025 cover.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Shame can choke the future if you let it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Here are two ways out.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-align-center\" id=\"h-1-nbsp-be-enchanted-with-nbsp-meaningful-relationships\"><mark style=\"background-color:rgba(0, 0, 0, 0)\" class=\"has-inline-color has-black-color\">#1<\/mark>&nbsp;<strong>Be enchanted with&nbsp;meaningful relationships<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>No matter what happens to you, you can still choose to live a whole life. Why?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Because I believe no one really wants to depart this life unless they are very ill or in incurable pain.&nbsp; <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Most folks want to live.&nbsp; Why?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>To find completion.&nbsp; Whether it&#8217;s a loving family or loving friends, we want to complete our relationships.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>A big step away from despair is a determination to complete the most critical relationships in our lives, no matter what happened in the past.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>And that begins with finding a safe place to share the dark tragedies in your life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>A <a href=\"https:\/\/blog.steveblaising.com\/content\/how-loneliness-flees-by-weaving-through-this-path\/\">good therapist<\/a> plays a significant role here.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>And then, don&#8217;t give up on God.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-align-center\" id=\"h-2-nbsp-be-enchanted-with-god-in-a-disenchanted-world\"><strong><mark style=\"background-color:rgba(0, 0, 0, 0)\" class=\"has-inline-color has-black-color\">#2<\/mark>&nbsp;Be enchanted with God in a disenchanted world<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-left\">Modern society&#8217;s chronic depression is exacerbated by slamming the door on God.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-left\">And when God is out of your world, it&#8217;s just you and the limits of your viewpoint.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-left\">University professors, journalists, and Hollywood producers are today&#8217;s &#8220;reality police.&#8221;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Anything appealed to beyond this natural world is labeled &#8220;unscientific&#8221; or &#8220;inoperative.&#8221;&nbsp; <\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>There is nothing more to reality than matter.&nbsp; <\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>There is no deep story and meaning that colors or governs the universe.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-left\">And so the minds of our youngest are welded into a steel trap of naturalistic pessimism.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Ironically, Trey was studying the link between the brain and happiness shortly before he took his life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-left\"><a href=\"https:\/\/blog.steveblaising.com\/content\/the-enchanted-way-3-habits-to-a-magical-life\/\">Disenchantment<\/a> is the prevailing mood when the only enjoyment and meaning in life is sex, alcohol, sugar, money, or fame.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-left\">This viewpoint&#8217;s <span style=\"box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;\">core is\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/blog.steveblaising.com\/content\/inspect-your-ancestry-and-snap-out-of-depression-today\/#more-10990\" target=\"_blank\">Darwinism<\/a>, which holds that we evolved<\/span> from caves.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>But theism sees mankind&#8217;s <a href=\"https:\/\/blog.steveblaising.com\/content\/joy-in-the-battle-the-top-song-that-carries-us-through-suffering\/#more-16073\">i<\/a>mage from the heavens as shown by&#8230;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>the&nbsp; propensity for order and justice<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>the worldwide propensity for good over evil<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>the unconquerable propensity to hope<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>the universal propensity for morality and beauty<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>Even amidst despair, beauty is God&#8217;s message that He is here to rescue us from <a href=\"https:\/\/blog.steveblaising.com\/content\/choose-joy-when-the-past-says-shame\/\">shame.<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Stories like this are part of the reflections I write about life, resilience, and human turning points listed on my <a href=\"https:\/\/blog.steveblaising.com\/content\/about-stephen-blaising\/\"><strong>About Stephen Blaising<\/strong> <\/a>page.<\/p>\n<!-- AddThis Advanced Settings generic via filter on the_content --><!-- AddThis Share Buttons generic via filter on the_content -->","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I still can&#8217;t believe that Trey Carlock, a child sex abuse victim filled with shame, drove his father&#8217;s boat at high speed in the middle of the night, crashing into my Lake Athens boat dock. Shortly before, my oldest daughter, Lizzy, and I lounged right at the point of impact. I have often reflected on [&hellip;]<!-- AddThis Advanced Settings generic via filter on get_the_excerpt --><!-- AddThis Share Buttons generic via filter on get_the_excerpt --><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"cos_headline_score":0,"cos_seo_score":0,"cos_headline_text":"Child sex abuse: How shame crashed Trey Carlock into my dock","cos_headline_has_been_analyzed":false,"cos_last_analyzed_headline":[],"footnotes":""},"categories":[168],"tags":[177,166],"class_list":["post-16560","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-shame","tag-despair","tag-shame"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v27.1 (Yoast SEO v27.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-premium-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Child sex abuse: How shame crashed Trey Carlock into my dock - Steve Blaising<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Shame wreaked havoc on Trey Carlock. 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